I Know
by CherryChance
Summary: A very emotional - and very drunk - James Potter opens up to Lily, giving the previously uninterested red-head something to think about...
1. Chapter 1

Lily was awoken in the early hours of the morning by the sound of loud music coming from the Common Room she and James, as the Head boy and girl, shared. Rubbing her eyes, she groggily walked out of her room to the top of the staircase, wondering what the hell was going on.

She was met by the sight of a very handsome – and very drunk – James Potter.

He was in the centre of the Common Room, swaying in large, clumsy circles to the music, his arms held out wide by his sides. He was wearing a suit – she'd never seen him in a suit. A black one, with a white shirt and black tie underneath his open jacket. He looked good, even she had to admit.

She quickly noticed Sirius sat on a couch by the fire, wearing the exact same outfit as James. He looked completely worn out, and was watching James sadly.

"Lily!" James called out loudly when he noticed her watching them, stretching his arms towards her as he continued swaying to the music.

She blinked, still waking up and surprised to see them. She would have gone completely mental at them waking her up, under normal circumstances,. Instead, she tugged on the cuffs of her bright pink flannel pyjamas, trying to find the right thing to say.

"Um... what are you doing back-?" She began to ask kindly, but could see Sirius shaking his head quickly at her. She tried to think how to quickly alter the question, but James cut her off.

"Mum didn't want me there," he said shortly. "I remind her too much of Dad."

Sirius sighed, pushing the dark hair that hung over his tired away from his face. "She _did_ want you there James, you know she did," he insisted gently. "She's just upset."

Lily bit her lip, not knowing what to say. She made her way slowly down the staircase to join the two boys.

James ignored Sirius completely. "Come dance with me Lily," he said suddenly, still moving to his own beat that seemed to have no connection to the tune that was currently playing..

Lily hesitated. She had only began speaking to Potter on amicable terms a few weeks ago, and it wasn't even out of choice. She had to, really, when she had found out that as Head Girl, she was sharing living quarters with him, the Head Boy.

Again, Sirius sighed. "Mate, don't, you'll just get upset when she says no-" he began, but James rounded angrily on him.

"What? I've just buried my dad today, surely I'm allowed to have a dance?" he snapped, his hazel eyes suddenly flashing.

Alarmed by the sudden change, Lily moved quickly towards him, not wanting James to get anymore upset. "Sure," she said quickly, feeling painfully sorry for him. "Of course I will. You go if you want, Sirius. I'll make sure he's okay."

Sirius eyed her wearily, knowing how she had treated his friend in the past. "No, it's okay..."

"Honestly, go. It's late, and you're not supposed to be here anyway. You look knackered."

Sirius stood up slowly, watching as James pulled Lily close to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her hair, almost collapsing onto her. His glasses pressed uncomfortably into her shoulder. She stood awkwardly beneath him, then gently patted him on the back, for lack of knowing what else to do.

"Go easy on him, Evans," Sirius said seriously, as he made his way out of the Heads Common Room. "Please."

She nodded, then turned her attention back to James as the portrait swung shut after Sirius.

"So, um... You scrub up nicely, Potter," she said softly, swaying them both slowly to the music that continued to play.

"James," he corrected her instantly, his voice muffled as his head was still buried into her shoulder "_Please, _please call me James."

"Okay... James," she agreed, the name feeling foreign on her tongue. "So, um... why the suit? I thought wizards wore dress robes?"

She felt him give a half hearted shrug. "My dad always preferred suits to robes," he said dully. "Said it made him feel more of a gentleman. Mum wanted me to wear one."

Lily nodded, but couldn't think of a response. They lapsed into a brief silence, before James sighed loudly.

"Oh, Lily. Lily, Lily, Lily," he murmured, almost singing the words. She felt him grind his hips ever so slightly into hers.

She didn't say anything, just pulled herself away a little, and carried on rocking him slowly.

"I love you," he sighed, twisting a lock of her dark red hair in his fingers.

She smiled slightly and rolled her eyes over the top of his head. "Pott – _James_, you do not."

"I do."

"You're drunk."

"I bloody do!"

" You hardly know me!"

He pulled his head up off her shoulder and smiled at her wistfully. "It's surprising how much you know after wanting someone as long as I've wanted you. You might not have let me get close but... I still know."

Lily frowned slightly, waiting for him to continue. He was still holding her tightly, still awkwardly moving to the music.

"I know your favourite colour is electric blue. I know you hate mince meat, and won't eat anything that contains it. I know you have a mega sweet tooth, and would live off chocolate éclairs if you could. I know you spend ages straightening your hair, which is stupid 'cos when you have it all wavy and wild I can't stop thinking of the naughty things I want to do to you. I know your eyes are the exact colour of a potion I made once, so I bottled it just so I could keep looking at it, but Sirius accidently smashed it with a Quaffle a week later. I know you bite your lip, your quill, your nails – anything – when you're nervous. I know you have a little mole just behind your right ear. I know you tried your hardest to hide a lovebite on your neck the first day back this year, and dear _Merlin_ did I want to kill you and whoever it was who gave it you."

Stunned, Lily stared at him, her mouth hanging open ever so slightly. She didn't know whether to be nicely surprised, or disturbed.

"You're drunk," she repeated, but this time it was more of a question.

"I know my dad would have loved to meet you," James added sadly, his voice tearing.

Lily's heart actually jolted for him. "James..."

"Do you think he was proud of me?"

"What? Of _course-"_

"It's just we were never really that close..."

And suddenly James held her at arms length and gave her a little smile. "Song's finished," he said simply. "Thankyou. I know you don't even like me, hell, you _hate_ me... So... thankyou."

"I-I don't _hate_ you James..." she stammered, her head still swimming with everything he had just told her.

He cut her off by pressing a hard kiss against her mouth, pulling at her lower lip with his teeth as he moved away.

Again, Lily was stunned. He flashed her a half smile before he began walking unsteadily up to his room.

"'Night Lily."

A very confused Lily Evans stood in the middle of the Common Room, her eyes following the boy she had hated so much just a few months ago. He'd been through so much, but... Why on earth had she allowed him to kiss her? How did he know so much about her? And since when did he decide his annoying crush had turned into _love?_

***

Hello!

Well... To be honest, I'm not sure where this came from! I'm not sure if it has the ability to be a story or if it works nicely as a one-shot.

Reviews would be lovely =)


	2. Chapter 2

James didn't get out of bed the next morning, and while Lily wasn't expecting him in classes, she also didn't see him at all during meal times.

It was only that night after dinner when she returned to their Common Room, that she saw him leaving his bedroom and making his way down the stairs. He didn't look good for having slept all day, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked completely worn out. He was levitating his trunk behind him.

He stopped on a step halfway down the staircase as he spotted her, and for the first time in her life Lily saw a pink tinge appear on James Potter's cheeks.

"Er... Morning – I mean, afternoon, whatever..." he stuttered, a hand jumping to his hair. But for once he looked as if he was trying to flatten it, not make it more messy. He sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night, Lily. I didn't mean to wake you up, that wasn't fair."

She blinked at him in surprise. In all her time at Hogwarts, Lily had never heard James apologise for anything. Ever.

"Don't worry about it," she replied, her surprise evident in her voice.

There was a awkward pause. They both looked anywhere except each other, shifting their feet slightly.

"So, are you going back home?" she asked finally, nodding towards his hovering trunk.

James pursed his lips and nodded, as if this was something he wasn't entirely looking forward to. "Yeah, my mum sent me an owl this morning. So I'm going to go stay with her for a few weeks."

"That's..." Lily trailed off, trying to find the right word. "Good," she finished lamely.

James nodded and began to continue his descent down the stairs. "Is there anything you need me to do before I go? I know you'll need to reorganise the night patrols-"

"Honestly, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine."

"Thanks," he said sincerely, reaching the bottom of the staircase. "Well, I best go say 'bye to the Marauders. Goodbye Lily."

"'Bye..." she murmured, watching as he left the room.

*

An hour or so later, Lily was patrolling the corridors with Severus Snape. The two had never been as close as they once were since Severus had used the word 'Mudblood', but she found herself talking to him about James's behaviour, as that was all that was on her mind. She conveniently left out the personal things he had spilled out to her the previous night.

Severus was frowning deeply, not at all happy having a conversation about James Potter.

"And he said _sorry!_ I mean really, when have you _ever _heard James say sorry?"

He shot her a quick glance as he noted she referred to him by his first name.

"Maybe he has changed Severus-"

"No Lily. All that's changed is your feelings towards him," he replied bitterly. "You feel sorry for him."

Lily pondered this for a moment, and then shook her head

"No, I'm telling you, I honestly think this has changed him..." She trailed off and frowned, looking questioningly at a wand lying abandoned on the floor just in front of them. She stopped to pick it up, and realised she could hear yelling from around the corner.

She shared a quick look with Severus, and they both quickened their pace and rounded the corner.

Lily gasped at the site that greeted her.

Severus snorted. "Yeah Lily, he's really changed," he muttered sarcastically.

"_Potter!" _Lily cried in disbelief, rushing towards the commotion.

James was fighting with Regulus Black, straddling him as he dealt him blow after blow with his fists. His wand lay discarded a few feet a way from him.

Sirius was being held back by a very frustrated looking Remus Lupin, who was doing surprisingly well to hold on to his friend, as Sirius was thrashing wildly and trying to aim kicks at his brother.

"Peter!" Remus yelled, and Lily had never heard him sound so annoyed. "I _said_ grab James!"

Peter Pettigrew looked worriedly from Lily to the two boys on the floor, then half heartedly tugged on the back of James's robes.

Lily made a noise of disgust and pushed Peter out of the way. "Potter, you're _Head Boy!"_ she shrieked, grabbing James's wrist in mid-punch and dragging him upwards. "What the _hell _are you doing?!"

"Him!" was all James could manage to shout at she yanked him to his feet. She'd never seen James look so furious, never seen the hatred in his eyes as he continued to glare at Regulus, who was hastily wiping blood from his nose. "He's joined the – joined the ones who killed my – who _KILLED my-!" _He suddenly turned his head away and raised a fist to his forehead in fury, but not before Lily saw angry tears spill out of his eyes.

Lily felt as if a lead weight had fallen into her stomach. She realised without him saying that he was talking about the Death Eaters killing his father.

"Is... Is this true?" she stammered, looking at Regulus. Regulus Black, into the Dark Arts admittedly, but still only a Sixth Year student. He had raised himself up onto his elbows, but was still lay on the floor.

She noticed an emotion flash in his eyes – embarrassment? Fear? Regret? – but before she could establish it his face was masked with cold defiance. "So what if it is?"

James moved as if to attack him again, but Lily quickly stood in front of him and grabbed him around his chest to hold him back. Sirius, still struggling in Remus's arms, managed to deal a hefty kick into his brother's ribs. "Pathetic _scum,"_ he spat at him, biting out his words through his anger.

"Okay," Lily said loudly as Regulus moaned in pain. She had to get over her shock and establish some order. "Remus – take Sirius back to your Common Room. Black – Regulus, I mean... Go. Just... go."

She shook her head sadly at him as he lumbered painfully to his feet. Severus, who had been silent throughout all of this, was eyeing Regulus with interest.

"Severus, take him back to your Common Room, would you?"

He nodded curtly and strode off down the corridor alongside Regulus, who was clutching his ribs and limping. He turned back after a few steps.

"My wand-" he started, and Lily tossed the wand still clutched in her hand.

She slackened her grip on James and looked at him pityingly. "Come on, let's get you back up to our quarters."

"No, I'm supposed to be going home, remember?" he muttered, gingerly sucking the blood off his split lip.

"Well your mum doesn't need to see you in this state," she said gently. "And I don't really want you to go to Madam Pomfry because she'll just ask questions. I can clean you up, so come on, no arguments."

Remus shot Lily a look of thanks as James stooped to pick up his wand, and then the three Marauders minus James murmured there goodbyes and walked in the opposite direction.

Neither Lily nor James spoke as they headed back to the Head Boy and Girls quarters, but she could tell he was still fuming. He collapsed onto the couch as they reached their Common Room, putting his head into his hands.

Lily fetched some ointment she had in her room (as Head Girl, you never knew what you'd have to deal with) and crouched on her knees in front of him.

"He definitely came off worse," she sighed, as she tilted his head upwards and began dabbing at James's lip. "Merlin Potter, couldn't you have just hexed him or something? What were you thinking?"

He glared at her. "I _wasn't_ thinking, I just... And it felt better to hit him, I didn't even think of my wand."

Lily could understand this, but wasn't about to admit it.

"He's _sixteen_. Sixteen! He's just a kid... Why would he join them? Why would _anyone _join them?" James was murmuring, but more to himself than Lily.

Lily shook her head sadly as she dabbed at a small graze under James's left eye.

"There," she said quietly a few moments. "It might still hurt a bit, but... You can't tell by looking at you."

His eyes slid up to meet hers. She felt the same jolt in her heart as she had done the night before, as she saw how much emotion swam in his eyes. Hazel. She'd never noticed that.

"Thankyou," he said softly. "For everything. And... Sorry you had to deal with that."

"Don't be silly," Lily answered, waving her hand impatiently as if to brush off the comment. She noted it was the second time she'd heard him apologise in one day.

"Right. Well," James sighed loudly, pushing himself up off the couch. "I suppose I'd better get going."

"Okay," Lily replied awkwardly, also standing up. "Well, er... Goodbye. Keep your chin up, James." She moved as if to hug him, then thought better of it and took a step backwards, clasping her hands behind her back.

He smiled sadly at her before turning to walk out of the portrait hole. "See you, Lily."

*

Hello!

Thanks for all your lovely reviews, I WAS going to leave this at a one-shot, but I got the itch to add more. Sorry it took so long. Hope you like it, and sorry it's very angsty right now, but we'll soon get to happy James!

Please review!!


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